I walk with Mary, our Blessed Mother, today on Good Friday.

We send our love to the Heavens

     Today, on Good Friday, I walk the sorrowful journey with Mary, our blessed Mother.  My waking moment this morning reminded me that four years ago today I hugged my son's lifeless body for the last time in an ER room filled with pain,sorrow and disbelief.  For those of you who have never experienced the extreme and excruciating pain of losing a child, be thankful.  That morning on April 18, 2010, in the hospital, I saw my hopes and dreams for my 31 year old son, shatter in front of my eyes.  I saw my entire families lives change forever.  For those of you who think that "partying" is no big deal, then you are so wrong, because it does kill.  My son lost his life.  There are no words in any dictionary that could possibly describe the stabbing pain in my heart that some days nearly consume me. Yet, our God has been faithful, and He has carried our family when we did not have the strength to go on.  I cannot begin to imagine the sorrow that Mary went through watching her Son suffer and die for us.  But today, just as in that ER room four years ago, I know she and her Son are with me.

     I remember so vividly leaving the hospital and seeing all of the new life in Spring start to bloom, yet I knew that my son's life was over, and nothing could change it.  I watch the sun set tonight and I wonder how you are my son, and I send all of our love to the Heavens.  May you rest in the loving arms of Jesus, and may you be at peace, my son.  I am doing my best to spread your word, and to help others on this road of addiction.  I truly believe in the depths of my heart, that your death has saved lives, and I want to make you proud of the work we are doing for you, and that I have become a "mother on a mission", and I am now your voice.  To hear your voice, to feel your hugs, or to see your smile again, would be a gift from Heaven, yet I know that I can't now, and I have to accept that.  I will never quit loving you, or missing you.  Your entire family still cries from the pain and the questions of the past.  My only comfort is knowing that you gave your life back to the Lord, and that you were actually smiling again.  The months in rehab gave you new life, and a new spirit, and for that, this mother's heart will be forever thankful to all of those who helped you on the road to recovery.  I only wish you would have stayed closer to the people who truly loved you.  I hope your  35th birthday in Heaven on Wed. was filled with Peace and Joy.  As I always said each night at bedtime when you were growing up, "Goodnight, Mommy loves you, God bless you, see you ??? I use to say tomorrow, but now I have to say someday."  Love & Prayers Always, Mom

     Thank You Jesus, for dying for us, so that my son , and all of us, could have eternal life with You someday!!

Hi everyone!  It has been forever since I wrote something.  It has been so busy!  This month of April comes in with sadness and anxiety building in my heart.  The only people who could understand my feelings would be another parent who has buried a child because of drugs.  My son's 4th anniversary date is coming, and I am already trying to prepare for the day, but I believe that no matter what I do, my heart will feel the pain all over again, as the moments of that day come crashing into the private parts of my memory.  Sometimes, I wonder if the pain will ever end.  Sometimes I wonder why people keep partying when they know my son died from drugs.  As the rain falls outside my window, my tears fall upon my cheeks as I relive memories of the past, still wondering after nearly four years.....................what else could I have done???????????????????????????  I love you, my son, and I can only pray that your death has somehow, saved a life somewhere.  I will never quit missing you!!!!!